As the wife of a porn addict, it all begins with denial and excuses. “Every man looks at pornography,” or “He probably came across this site by accident.” But you can’t help but compare yourself to the images you see in front of you. “She is so much thinner than I am.” “Maybe if I had longer hair like her he would really love me.”

I found pornography on my husband’s computer almost 2 years ago. I tried to pretend that it was not real by ignoring the issue (although occasionally I would check his history and find it more often). I wasn’t looking to see if he was still lusting after pornography…I knew he was. I would check so that I could keep up with the latest things he was into. Then, I would find myself trying to look or act like these women he lusted after. But that only sustains for so long, because as a women, you cannot keep up with these images being pranced across the screen.

If he made a comment that he liked my hair better blonde, I would become angry because I knew he was looking at women with brown hair. If he told me to cut it shorter, I would become angry because I knew he liked the Internet women with the long hair.

Our life in the bedroom was also smoke and mirrors. I didn’t enjoy it. I knew every moment we were together there were the other women in the room. I could never feel beautiful even if he told me I was. I always felt used, betrayed and then thrown away.

 

Vezi aici întreg articolul, modul în care el a scăpat